When my mum passes away, I will be faced with a big decision, how to honour her life in a way that feels right. With funeral costs soaring, direct cremation seems like the most practical and affordable option. No service, no mourners, just a simple cremation and return of her ashes.
But something in me can’t do it. Here’s why I refuse to give my mum a direct cremation:
1. I Want to Say a Proper Goodbye
A direct cremation will have mum taken away and cremated without a service, without family present, without a final farewell.
I understand why many people choose it, it’s simple, it’s cost-effective, and it removes a lot of the stress. But for me, I need a moment to say goodbye. I need to see her one last time, to have a space to grieve properly, and to honour her in a way that felt meaningful.
2. Funerals Aren’t Just for the Deceased. They’re for the Living
Mum will be gone, but we will still be here. Her family. Her friends. The people who loved her.
I have learnt that a funeral isn’t just about what happens to the body, it’s about what happens to the people left behind. A direct cremation would leave us with no gathering, no stories, no shared grief, and I need those things.
Instead, we will plan a small, personal ceremony before the cremation. It won’t be extravagant, but it will give us a chance to:
- Hold her hand one last time
- Share stories that made us laugh and cry
- Support each other in a way that online condolences never could
It’s not about following funeral traditions, it’s about giving ourselves permission to grieve together.
3. She Deserves More Than Just Processing
The idea of mum’s body being treated like paperwork, collected, cremated, returned in an urn with no ceremony, does not sit right with me.
She isn’t just a case to be processed. She is my mum. The woman who raised me, loved me, and shaped my entire world.
I couldn’t let her final moments on Earth be handled like a transaction. Even though she is okay with a simple farewell, I want to give her the dignity, respect, and gratitude she deserves.
4. I Don’t Want to Regret It Later
Funeral decisions are permanent. There are no do-overs.
I ask myself: Will I regret choosing direct cremation?
The answer was yes. I know that if I skipped the chance to say goodbye properly, it would stay with me for the rest of my life.
I don’t want to live with that regret. I want to know that I had done everything I could to honour her memory.
5. We Will Create a Farewell That Is Right for Us
Instead of a traditional funeral, we will plan a small, personal farewell that suits who Mum was.
- A private viewing for close family
- A memorial at her favourite beach, where we scatter her ashes
- A casual gathering where we play her favourite songs and tell stories
We will skip the expensive casket, the formal chapel, and the strict traditions. Instead, we will focus on what matters most, love, family, and memories.
Final Thoughts: No Regrets, Just Love
I don’t judge anyone who chooses direct cremation, for some, it’s the best decision. But for me, I need more.
Saying goodbye properly will help me heal. It will give me a sense of closure. And most importantly, it will give my mum the respect and love she deserves.
If you’re planning a funeral, my advice is this: Don’t just think about cost and convenience. Think about what will bring you peace in the years to come.
If you need help finding affordable, meaningful funeral options, visit eziFunerals because every farewell should feel right, not rushed.
Peter Erceg
Peter Erceg is the Owner and Founder of eziFunerals. He has had a long history within the funeral industry, and is a published author of ‘What Kind Of Funeral: A self help guide to planning a meaningful funeral’. Prior to eziFunerals, Peter worked in the public sector and health industry for more than 30 years. The views and opinions expressed on posts are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of eziFunerals and members.
